The Great Conspiracy (beginning thoughts for a later story/book)

There is a greater picture than just our small vision of a portrait.

A much larger plan than our own simple little lives…

and it has been going on since the beginning of time.

One day we will finish the race, look back and see that every hill, every obstacle, every time we fell, all had a purpose.  And we know this by looking at the greatest most beautiful conspiracy of all… one that saved the world.

Many people in and outside of the church see the birth and death of Christ as a singular event, only pertaining to the New Testament.  However, The Gospel, the good news, is NOT that Christ came to the world.  It began long before that.  The Gospel is the promise that the Jews held close to their hearts that God promised He would restore Creation and reconcile Heaven and Earth.  That is the Gospel: the promise.  Jesus is how He fulfilled this promise.

But this story is far more than a simple promise coming into being.  It is the story of a battle which was fought since the Creation of the world between Light and Darkness to conquer the world.  And although Darkness tried again and again to foil the plans of Light, Light had a greater conspiracy up it’s sleeve that was thousands of years in the making.  From the moment Adam was created, he had a Savior, even though he had not yet sinned.

Many times we think of our hero being the one who tries again and again, and must tremble as he gets up to face yet another foe.  Not in this story.  In this story Light never trembles in fear, defeat, or exhaustion, but it is Darkness that tries again and again with little to show for it.  And all the while the gracious Lady, Creation, lays in waiting in her dark tower, until finally THE Light of the World comes and sets her free.

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Dawn and Dusk

I move past the days now–

Not through them.

It is all one large blur between dawn, dream and imagination.

One week is only one forever existing day that waits for me until I have slumbered long enough to go on.

In these eternal days my mind can never rest, always peering behind my shoulder lest Insanity finally catch up to me.

Sometimes I wonder if the Good Lord had made me a simpleton,

Would I be better off?

Blissfully ingmorant to the world’s ways without a care as to what they may think or a worry of what i shall one day teach them and how to win over their hearts?

I have been told I am an “enlightened person”, smart, mysterious, wise and insightful.

If only they could understand it is not I, but my Lord that shines throughme somehow through all the selfish darkness that is my sinful nature.

Yes, that dark web of personalities, decisions, thoughts, theories, and ideas which is my mind.

At times when His light shines in just right i can finally see clearly.

As if the curtains of the dawning hour have been painfully pulled away and the beautiful, golden light of sunrise fills the room.

But other times I sit muddleing in the dark corner.

Desperately grasping the floor for any tangible thing to help me find my way through the labyrinth of space, time and the Odessy of Life.

It is often said that birlliant minds go mad trying to solve their mysteries.

At times I worry this too shall be my fate.

My only hope is to draw back the curtains at the break of day and cling to my precious candles at night.

to cry out to the lord to make things clear to me once more.

 

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Father Forgive me…

Lord, I  am so grateful for your Son, so grateful for your forgiveness, which i do not deserve– because I am such a wretched sinner.  Please Lord, humble my prideful, wicked spirit.  I am no better than those I struggle to love, I am just as much a sinner as they.  I have been like Jonah, running far from my problems, and from the broken family that needs Your love.  Help me!  Help me Lord, I am fearful and my heart is not willing to forgive– and yet Lord, how dare I withhold forgiveness from another when you forgave a wicked sinner like me.

How can we talk about love, and reach out only to those that we want to.  Who are we to only share the gospel with those that we want to.  It is so easy for us to go up to complete strangers or to people we are passionate, or those who are willing to hear you…. but when it comes to the hardened hearts of our family where this is pain and brokenness, we shrink away.  Help. I don’t know where my boundaries are, or what boundaries I need to lay before me, so as not to be trapped in darkness, but i also know I cannot just keep running.

Help me.  I need to heal, and I am helplessly lost.  It’s too easy to be complacent and not live life to the full, because living life to the full means taking chances, being vulnerable, and possibly getting hurt.

I need Your help.  I have forgotten what it means to love completely and  passionately, and it’s eating away at my heart.  You are the vine, I am only one branch.  I know if I abide in You and You in me, I can bear much fruit… but appart from You I can do NOTHING.

Help.  I am finally admitting that I am hopelessly drowning and I need You to pull me out.

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I think I’m finally getting it…

Life is what we do everyday.  Not what we plan to do far in the future as our grand scheme.  Not what we are working on and will some day be published.  Our life’s work is now. It is today, it is this very moment in the way we choose to live our lives that people will remember us… or something greater.

Life is only worth living for a greater purpose than ourselves.  So let every moment of our lives be shining examples of hope for those in the dark around us.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedon for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.”  ~ Isaiah 61: 1-4

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Neither can we see the wind.

I can feel Your changes in the wind…

The air

It hits me like a cool fresh wave

sweet and magical, yet completely real.

I ask myself how that is possible,

Then reassure myself that it doesn’t matter…

Here You are again,

And here am I with no reservations.

No idols,

Nothing in the closet,

Nothing to hide.

Only a desperate desire to learn how to truely love again.

Thank You for making me feel real, and whole again.

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It’s been a while…

Times have passed and changed in the last few months since I have last been actively writing… I’ve grown up quite a bit since then…

It’s amazing how in one single act, the Lord has put all my idols to rest, and I am placed back where I once was, realizing just how naked and alone I am with out Him.  It IS a blessing, yet perhaps the most difficult one I have had to bear.  But I know that His graciousness surpasses all, and that as He works and heals all the scars and wounds within me, everything will change again.

So I close my eyes, and reach out my hand saying,

“Here I am Lord, take me through the field of briars,

Take me through the dark and desolate valley,

That I may see your glory in the meadow on the other side.”

Isn’t it funny

How sometines it is when we are most blessed

With everything that we ever asked for

That we realize We are nothing

With out Christ.

 

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A conversation with myself…

Can I escape? Can I run? Why do I feel like running?  Why do I want to escape, and what exactly is it that I am trying to escape from?

Nothing is easy.  This is finally a truth that I must come face to face with, and realize that the things that are most beautiful in life are scary, they take hardwork, and they are a serious undertaking.

Am I running from responsibility? or am I wanting to run toward freedom? What does it mean to have total freedom? And can we have it together?

To have total and complete freedom form all obligations and all people is to be lonely.  It means to be completely disconnected like Alex Supertramp. And to die alone.  It means to be a rouge, a loner, selfish.  One must subject themselves to commitment, to people, in order to live a purpose filled life.

Why am I so afraid in the first place? Is it really that I am so fearful? or just that my negative self talk with other people, the more I tell other people I am afraid, the more afraid I become?

Perhaps I just need to walk in confidence of Christ.  Trust that He knows what He is doing even if I don’t just as I have done.  Skeptical feelings get messy, and the heart is deceitful above all things… so I can’t trust my heart or my head, which the enemy loves to play with so often. Only God.

I don’t want to live in this practical world, though I know I have to.  But there must be a mixture of spontinaity and planning in order to find adventure.  …Perhaps this is why we work so well. …Perhaps this is why we are here now.

You know what? Can we just run away together? Can we just randomly take off like we used to with no idea where we are going or when we will be back?  I miss that so much.  Forget these stupid schedules, I just want you and me off in the wilds crazy and free, stopping at some little po-dunk dinner for lunch and camping out at night.  Let’s just run. Just for a few days, lets just run like fugitives and not tell anyone where we are going, and not answer our phones except to tell everyone we are alright and they don’t need to call the cops.  I just want to go and keep going.  All we need is a map babe, we don’t need no plans or reservations, we’ll call 5 min. ahead if we need to find a place to stay. let’s make it up as we go and not come back till we feel like it.  I just feel like all this junk has been getting in the way, and we just need to get back to who we are.  Get back to the real us running wild and free, driving fast, and being spontaneous… and never growing old.

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Biblical Sunyata

sunyata. what if we were freed from the sense that we NEEDED to have our own identity? What if the western way of thinking out how to live for God (find self identity => find our identity in Christ =>  slowly find out God’s plan for our life and follow it.) was a really round-a-bout way of doing so, and kept us becoming self focused instead of God focused? What if we denied our identity completely and devoted ourselves to being Christ’s-self?  To knowing discovering and loving all of who God is, and through this love being transformed.

When we consentrate on who we are and find ourselves in God, we are not focusing on the Creator, but on ourselves.  This can quickly turn into a selfish habit of only seeking God for our own purpose; to know who we are and what we are supposed to do.  But when we consentrate on finding GOD, pursuing Him, loving Him, and understanding Him we are no longer focused on ourselves but on Him.  When we seek God for who He is it completes the relationship and our purpose simultaniously.  Think of it this way; if I only looked to my spouse to find my own purpose and who I am in them, they would be hurt say that I didn’t truly care about them.  And they would be right, in that instance I only care about my own well being.  But if I am talking with them, pursuing them, loving them, and caring about their needs  they feel genuinely loved and cared for.  Such is the same with our relationship with God.  Not only is He not a genie to grant our wishes, but he is not an all seeing tour guide to help us through life either.  He is a real being with real feelings, emotions and cares AND an almighty, all powerful God who does not need us to be complete.

In eastern Buddhism, there is a word, a virtue called sunyata.  This word means emptiness.  The idea is that nothing and no one can exist on their own: a mother is only a mother if she has a child, a merchant is only a merchant if he has something to sell, an athlete is only an athlete as long as he has a sport to play, and possibly a team as well.  Now, I am not Buddhist, but I think there is something to be learned from this idea and possibly applied in Christianity.  We cannot exist as ourselves on our own; in fact we do not exist as individuals, try as we might.  In the gospels it says that we must “die to ourselves, and take up our cross daily”.  Die to self.  So if we are to die to ourselves, and pick up Christ’s-self, why are we still looking for an individuality mark of who we are?  While I have heard individuality preached from the front of a classroom, I have never seen it preached in the Bible or on the pulpit, yet it is something we still buy into and hold onto for dear life in the American Church.  Yes, that’s right this idea of individuality  is actually a very western idea and there are some cultures where it doesn’t exist at all.  So what if we were to call off the search for defining who we are as people or “finding ourselves”, and instead pick up the search for living Christ-like and learning who Christ is in order to do that?  Maybe we could find a much more harmonious way of living.

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Mr. Dinkman’s Future: Revised

Mr. Adam Dinkman stood in the dirty alleyway in front of a heavily bolted door, stamping his feet to keep warm.  The biting chill of the winter night caused him to pull his frock coat lapel across his lips.  In one hand he carried a large handbag filled with tools and various scraps of leather, while the other hand was stuffed inside his coat pocket.  The air of the alley was dense and carried an old, musty sensation that crept into his bones as he clutched the small, wadded up note in his pocket.  He looked up to stare at the ominous door and felt the pointy ball of paper poking the palm of his hand.

It had been his wife, Evelyn, who had given him the note.  Apparently she had been met at the marketplace by a short, strange creature claiming to work for a Cornelius Blackwell.  The little shriveled man told her “the Company has an interest in requesting Adam’s services.”  Of course Adam was very skeptical as to why a strange man would ask a poor family on their way to debtor’s prison for their ‘services’.   Adam was a cobbler, not a banker or a money lender.  Why would an entire Company want him?  That would mean a lot of shoes.

But Evey had gone on and on that if a company did want that many shoes perhaps this job could make him famous; perhaps he could become the greatest cobbler in London.  They could finally raise their children themselves, whom they had farmed out to the more refined members of the family.  Before Adam had known it, the plump little woman was waving her arms around the house like a banshee howling about living in the poor house and cooing over the fine linens and jewelry a famous cobbler’s wife wears.  “You simply must go Mr. Dinkman! We will become destitute and thrown into the streets with all our debt if you don’t!”  As Adam was well aware, this was a possibility.  Oftentimes he had found himself contemplating their debt while tromping through the brick streets on his way to the meager shoe shop.  It had all happened so quickly.  When he married Evelyn it was most important that prove to provide a home just as comfortable as where she had grown up.  Of course her father was a lawyer, so this was more difficult for a small business cobbler.  At first it was just a few nice things to spruce up the place, then a new dress every month, then a silver rattle for the baby and a nurse…   Soon they owed everyone money.  But while Mr. and Mrs. Dinkman scrambled to put things back in order, Evey had insisted that the children stay with her family so that they might grow up proper.  Mr. Dinkman didn’t put up too much of a fuss over this because it meant fewer mouths to feed.   Sometimes as he walked through the streets he would pass by the church and wonder what he ever did to God to make life so difficult.  Had he not been compassionate enough?  Not gone to mass enough? Or perhaps didn’t try hard enough to decipher the priest’s Latin gibberish when he was present in the pew?  What made God the dictator of life anyway?  Many times he thought that if he could just know what was coming next he wouldn’t have to worry.  If he could just see which road was the best to take, he could be living properly like other civilized people.

Adam gave a long sigh.  He could see his breath suspended in the heavy air.  He slowly tugged the note loose from his trousers and feverishly unfolded it to read it aloud.
“To Mr. Adam Dinkman—we know about your recent misfortunes and wish to help. We are a scientific organization that has been working on a project to help people in economic need, such as yourself, but as of now our operations have been strictly experimental. If you would be so kind as to help us in our research, our project may be of some use to you.”
The paper was stiff, and the lettering had been forcefully imbedded into its ridges. The note wasn’t signed, but at the bottom was printed “Fruit of Knowledge Company”.  With one final deep breath Adam shoved the note back into his pocket and gripped the knocker hanging loosely over head.  After two knocks the door slowly creaked open.
At first he could see nothing; inside it was almost darker than the alley. As he walked in the only thing that could be heard was a perpetual dripping sound accompanied by his own heavy footsteps on the hollow wooden floor.
“Ah, there you are, sir!” called a raspy voice.

Mr. Dinkman nearly jumped out of his skin.  He looked down to find an old dwarf of a man with large round spectacles balanced on his button nose.

“Excuse me—“ Adam shakily addressed the man, “but I don’t believe lurking around in a dark entryway is any way to welcome your guest.”
“I do apologize, sir. Might I take your jacket?” The dwarf smiled to reveal a crooked set of teeth with a large gap resting in the middle.
“No, thank you; it’s bloody chilly in here.”
“Alright then, this way, sir.”

“Ah, wait a moment dear fellow.  Are you the one who gave this note to my wife?”  Adam tried to straighten the rumpled edges and hand over the paper.

The little man took it and carefully scrutinized its origins under his thick bug eyed glasses, and with a sharp nod he handed the note back.  “I certainly did.  Come along now he’s waiting.”
The servant hurried off without giving any more time for questions.  Adam was quite annoyed at this rude welcoming and had half a mind to complain, but by this time he had to squint his eyes to see which way the little toad was going.  Left, then right, this way, then that.  He certainly knew he would never find his way back out on his own.  Finally the old geezer lit the lamps which made it a bit easier to follow.  The echo of dripping noises seemed to grow louder the further they went.  Presently Adam could make out a faint, pulsing, green glow at the end of the hall.  He felt his heart begin to beat a little faster, and his stomach tightened a bit as he wondered what awaited them farther down the narrow corridor.  Finally they came to a door to the right of the passageway. The small man smiled up at him with slightly crooked eyes and held out a gnarled hand.

“Just right in there, sir.”
“Thank you.”

Mr. Dinkman clutched the cold, brass knob and the door swung open to reveal a small, elegant office where the soft radiance of red gas lamps dusted the room. Every wall was covered with books from floor to ceiling.  Adam searched for windows, but found none, just a square closed in chamber.  It made him quite uncomfortable as he slowly took his seat in front of an ornate, brass legged desk. There was an immaculate leather chair on the other side, one that had tiny pointed brads around the rim.  Adam began to fantasize over what type of a man would sit in such a prestigious, sturdy chair, when he heard the door open.
A deep and velvety voice soon put to rest his suspicions; “Good evening Mr. Dinkman. We have been awaiting you.” A tall gangly figure sauntered into the room and made its way to the tall, throne-like chair.
The gentleman’s shoulders were slightly hunched, and his eyes sunken into his skull. His withered face carried many wrinkles, but his eyes still glimmered with a wild, youthful craving. His head shone with the light of the crimson lamps across his cranium, but encircling his skull was a scraggly mess of hair, like an unkept crow’s nest. He carefully folded his long, bony fingers in front of him with his elbows resting on the desk as he spoke.
“I am Cornelius Blackwell, Mr. Dinkman, and I am the founder of the Fruit of Knowledge Company.  We have been watching you closely and would be quite pleased to have your help.”
“Watching me?”
“Yes,  Mr. Dinkman.  Have you ever heard of our company before?”

Adam shook his head.  “No sir.”

“Mr. Dinkman we are a scientific community exploring what some might call… paranormal happenings.” At this the corner of the old man’s lip curled into a slightly smug grin.
“Paranormal?  I’m sorry sir, but I am a cobbler.”  Adam opened up his hand bag and held it out for Mr. Blackwell to see its contents.  “Unless you want to try and put shoes on ghosts I don’t know what you could possibly be looking for in me.” Adam chuckled.
Cornelius’ eyes grew dark and serious as he slowly stood up from his throne and loomed over the desk. “The question is sir…” he gave him a grave stare and his neck tightened as if Adam had offended him in some way. But then he regained his composure and the youthful glint in his eyes and said with a smile, “The question is, Mr. Dinkman, what is it that you are looking for?”
“Me sir?”  Adam was quite taken aback.
“Why, yes, of course!” The black bird stood at his full height. He paraded around his desk with his hands neatly folded behind his back and then gently put his arm around Adam’s shoulder. “Tell me Mr. Dinkman, if there was one thing that would give you hope to make it through this hard time with your family, your bills, your failures, the fact that the debtors prison is just around the corner what would it be?”
“Now look here, Mr. Blackwell. I know I am in need of money, but I didn’t come all this way just for you to tell me that!”  Adam’s pride had risen into his throat and now as his voice echoed in his ears he began to feel the lump it had made.

“No, of course not.” Cornelius relinquished Adam’s shoulder and walked back around to his seat.  “I seem to recall hearing that you wished you could see into your future.  ‘Know what was coming next,’ I believe was the term.”

Adam stared deep into those wild eyes that seemed to look into his soul.  He never remembered ever saying those exact words aloud, only thinking them in his head on his way to work.  He supposed he may have let thoughts drift into verbal speech now and then, but he could not recall.

Mr. Blackwell ignored Adam’s perplexity and moved on.  “You see, I can offer you that which has never been offered before:  a glimpse at what’s coming next.”
Adam’s eyebrows squinted in disbelief.  “You mean like a fortune teller?”
Cornelius grinned and a sly glitter came into his eyes.
“Oh no, dear Adam. We have much more for you than that…”

Cornelius and his shriveled assistant led Mr. Dinkman down the long corridor, closer and closer to the rhythmic jade shadows and eerie dripping noises he had heard before. The hall turned a sharp left and then suddenly opened up into an illuminated factory of hazardous parts and pieces of metal. It was a laboratory of twisted cogs and glass tubes running a bubbling green toxin through the mesh of rusted wire. In the center of this mechanical nest sat a brutal iron chair bearing wrist and ankle clamps.
“This,” Cornelius proclaimed, waving his hand across the room, “is your ‘fortuneteller’. She is our experiment of science and philosophy—not of magic tricks.  She is the crowning jewel of our research, and we need your help to test it.”
“It can show you your whole world,” chimed in the little old man “Past, present, and future.”
“Think of it this way,” Cornelius interrupted “at one time man believed only God held your destiny in His hands. He was the one who made your future… Now imagine for a moment that you had the power to design your own destiny, that the idea of fate and chance were eliminated.  That if here and now you decided to do something or be someone, you could do it with no questions asked.  Anything and everything is at your fingertips with no restrictions.  A dream world made up of all that you could ever desire… That’s what I can offer you Mr. Dinkman.  You see, a glimpse at the future does not just end there.  It has the potential to radically change your entire history.”

“But, how can one change one’s destiny by seeing into the future?”  Adam questioned.

“How can you change the future unless you know what it is?” was the reply.
Cornelius’ smooth voice and intriguing eyes enticed Adam. His last words slithered in his ear with such ease he could not help but look down on that foreboding chair with awe and wonder. Blackwell must have sensed his imagination racing, for soon he asked, “So, Mr. Dinkman, are you willing to see what your future holds?”
For a quick moment Adam’s conscience snapped back into place as he surveyed the sparking wires and raw edges of metal, and the obvious danger and possible deceit that lay before him began to unfold into view.

“I’m not so sure, Mr. Blackwell.  How can I be positive I’ll make it out of that chair to change my future as you say?”

“You are quite right Mr. Dinkman.” Cornelius said with a smile.  “There are obvious risks.  But not knowing could be just as risky, could it not?  Although, I do suppose we would owe you some payment for your services… What if I were to settle all your debts in full?  Even if by some horrendous mistake our calculations are wrong and some catastrophe were to take place, your family would still have a beautiful future ahead of them, right?   And if everything goes as expected you will leave a free man.”

Free? It sounded too good to be true.  Adam looked down at the sparks flying among the nest of wire below.  He thought of Evey being happy with her fine things and their children.  He thought of the all the money lenders and bankers finally being flung off his back.  He even thought of all the things he might accomplish as the most famous cobbler in London.  And then he thought of the sheer awe and wonder to be able to behold one’s future—something that had never been seen by man.

“I’ll do it,” He heard himself say.
“Excellent.”
Cornelius snapped his fingers and his tubby assistant took Adam’s hand and led him down to the chair in the center of tangled machinery. As he sat down, an icy chill went up his spine.  He could taste a dose of fear on his lips as the cold metal wrapped around his wrists and he was locked into place with no going back.
Once the bug-eyed assistant had left the platform, Adam could hear whirling and clicking noises behind him.  A switch and possibly a few levers were pulled and a loud booming sound punctured his ears. A piercing wave of electricity shot up his spine and through his skull. Adam let out a scream of excruciating pain. His brain— his memory was being flung forward, breaking through walls of time to places that he had never been.
First there was the usual fight between him and his wife about things they could not afford.  He watched her stomp out of the house and make her way to the market fussing about the accountant’s wife’s new petticoat.  Then Adam saw himself muddling over all the bills before him on the table.  He scraped up all of them in his hands and threw them out into the streets.  Then he grabbed his coat and his father’s old pistol.  He headed to the tavern where he found their rich landlord and made him swear to give back all the money he had cheated out of the Dinkman family.  One of the other men from the tavern saw what Adam had done and asked him for his help.  Then Adam saw several similar scenes, one after another, in which he had been paid to hunt down others like himself who were not keeping up with their payments.  It was obvious he hated the work, but it paid more than making shoes.  His wife was happy with her new bonnet and petticoat, but she didn’t know where the money had come from.  They had even started to bring their children back home from the rich countryside.  Then the pattern was upset.  Adam watched himself go to a new house to collect dues, but things didn’t go as planned.  The man of the house was drunk and would not let him in the door.  When Adam forced himself inside the house he was met with a rifle.  He pulled his gun in defense, as he heard a small voice cry “Papa!”  But it was too late, the trigger had already been pulled.  Adam looked down to see the drunkard cradle his small bloodied son in his hands.  Horrified and fearful for his life Adam ran.   In one final scene he stood watching his wife mourn over the body of their youngest son in the streets with a shadowy figure running down the alley in the distance.  The boy’s little body was pale and limp as she pulled him close to her chest.  The rain washed away the dirt from his grubby face to reveal the son to be much older than the last time Adam remembered him.  Perhaps ten years of age.
It had all happened in seconds.  Adam’s heart was beating faster than he ever knew it could.  Presently he could feel hot tears running down his  face. Then he heard Mr. Blackwell’s cold, thick voice.
“So… what did you see?” Adam couldn’t see him.  He couldn’t see anything.  Only a white light and the foggy image of his dead son.
“What is this?” he cried desperately trying to look around the room.  “What have you done to me?”
Mr. Dinkman could hear Cornelius’ footsteps pace around the chair.
“What’s wrong?  You are alive, are you not?”

“I’m… blind.  I can’t see you or the room.  All I can see is….” Frustrated and confused, Mr. Dinkman tried to shake himself free from the chair.

“Oh, do not blame me for what you saw. I don’t know your future.”  Cornelius calmly kept pacing around Mr. Dinkman.  “I can’t tell anyone if it will be horrible or delightful.”
The shacking stopped and Adam’s tear-stained face tilted toward Mr. Blackwell’s voice.  “You mean you knew I would be blinded with these last terrible images?”

“No, not for certain.  We only knew it was a probability.  Everything comes at a price, after all, and once the optic brain has been flung so far forward it is hard for it to return to the present.”

“You cheated me out of my sight, you filthy wretch!”
“Ah! But it was you who sat in this chair.” Mr. Blackwell tapped the cold metal that wrapped around Adam’s wrist with one of his bony fingers. “No one forced you to do that.”
“Get me out of this blasted chair.”
“As you wish, Mr. Dinkman.”
He let Adam loose, and the dwarf began to lead him out. Just as he was leaving the laboratory Cornelius called out, “Oh! And Mr. Dinkman, don’t worry, we will keep our end of the bargain.  Remember today your debts are all paid in full!”
Adam grumbled a few choice words under his breath.  What did it matter now if his debts were paid?  He could still see his son’s limp body if he focused his “vision” enough.  It was his fault that the poor boy would have such a terrible death, but it had never happened.  None of the things he had seen had ever come to pass.  It was enough to drive a man mad— for his only vision to be the bloody, pale body of his own son and yet know that he was still alive in a comfortably rich home in the country.  Adam’s stomach began to churn as he wished had never trusted Blackwell.  He could finally hear the wooden floor boards beneath his feet and the little toad placed Mr. Dinkman’s hand on the doorknob leading outside.   He gripped it tightly in his palm, almost crushing it as it turned. With his other hand he reached into his pocket to find the wadded-up note that had carried him there. He clutched it in his hand once more, feeling its ridges, almost trying to suffocate the words that were written on the stiff page. When he could squeeze it no more, he let it fall behind him.  Then he swiftly opened the door and hobbled down the street, groping the walls of the alleyway.

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